Hypothetical situation: Little Tommy really wants a dog. He begs his parents every day, hoping above all else that when his dad comes home from work a little puppy will come along with him. He’ll name the puppy Scout. Or Skip. Or Spot. Tommy’s tenth birthday is fast approaching, and he’s got a feeling that this will be his year. He noticed that his mom picked up a chew toy the other day on her way home from grocery shopping. He starts telling his friends at school that he’s gonna have the most badass dog in the entire grade. Fucking Scout. The man.
Fast Forward to Tommy’s birthday. He wakes up early, runs down stairs, and eagerly waits for his parents to join him at the kitchen table for breakfast. His dad comes down first. He’s holding a small wrapped box. Tommy runs over to his dad, snatches the box out of his hands and unwraps it as fast as he can. Inside the box is none other than… a chew toy! Tommy is ecstatic. His parents are so creative. The chew toy clearly means he’s getting a dog. But where’s mom? A few minutes later, Tommy’s mom walks into the kitchen carrying her purse, which appears to have something alive inside of it.
Uh oh. Say it isn’t so. Smiling, she reaches into her purse, and hands Tommy a little dog the size of his hand. The best part, she tells him, is that this dog won’t even get much bigger! It will always be able to fit inside a purse! It’s wearing a bow. Tommy is horrified. He’s officially the owner of a “Fancy Dog” aka “Purse Dog” aka “Gay Dog.”
Gay dogs are growing in numbers, especially around heavily populated urban areas. The positive is that they can fit inside a purse. The negative is that they’re incredibly gay and obnoxious. Sorry Tommy, we really are.