Endangered Species: Where Have They Gone?


This post is about science, and more specificially, a phenomenon known as “endangered species.”  Here’s the basic premise: while there are plenty of ugly, boring animals pretty much anywhere you go (think squirrels, raccoons, cats), there is an increasing lack of the best, cute, cuddly, and playful  animals.  I’m talking about Lions, African Elephants, Polar Bears, Cheetahs, Snow Leopards, and of course the Black Rhinoceros.  Their numbers are unfortunately dwindling; likely the result of electric cars (“Hey it’s cool… I’m allowed to drop four trash-bags filled with used batteries in a rainforest… I drive a Prius.”) and irresponsible humans who don’t recycle.  Yeah I know, thanks for ruining nature, right?

But here’s where things get a little more interesting.  This picture was recently sent in by a source that, for obvious reasons, cannot be named.   Take a look:

I see at least three pandas, a polar bear, an elephant, and I’m sure there’s at least one Asiatic cheetah lying around there somewhere.  I almost threw up the first time I saw this image.  To think, half of our planet’s endangered species are simply piled up in some low-life’s bedroom.  And it gets worse.  The culprit sent in a photo of himself sitting next to his most prized possession: a panthera tigris aka… the Tiger.  Here’s proof:

When asked if he even knew what what kind of species he was hoarding, the culprit responded, “Benny.”  The world is a sick place.

Advertisements

A Tragic Tale: The Thanksgiving National Dog Show.


This thursday is Thanksgiving.  And like every other year, all the family bonding, happy faces, and overflowing plates of food will take a backseat to the latest installment of NBC’s National Dog Show.  Dog lovers rejoice?  Not so fast Fenway.

Maybe I should put in “simpler” terms.  Take this picture for example:

What do these Victoria’s Secret models have in common?  Beauty, breasts, and brains?  Maybe. But there’s probably a reason they were chosen.  I mean honestly, why wasn’t this girl chosen?:

Doesn’t she have everything that they have?  Nooooooooo.  Not at all.  She’s missing something that show business and the (liberal, obviously) media loves: She isn’t hot.  She’s completely ordinary, likely buying her groceries at Target, and maybe not having enough money to afford them.  And that’s not fair.  In fact, it’s completely discriminatory. Now you may be wondering where I’m going with this.  After all, models aren’t dogs.  But here’s the catch:  On thanksgiving they are.  Need a closer look?

Who’s pet looks like this?  Not mine and certainly not yours.  You see, only model dogs are selected to be a part of the National Dog Show.  Only model dogs have the chance to be crowned, “Best in Show.”  Others dogs don’t stand a chance.  Here’s another example:

This dog doesn’t even know his name.  He’s half retarded.  And yet look at him walk the runway like he runs shit.  So where does this leave all the other dogs?  Yup, you guessed correctly.  “Worst in Show.”

The other day I ran into this fellow:

His name’s Beauty and he’s trying his hardest to make the cut at the National Dog Show.  He asked me if he stood a chance, and I looked him in the eye and told him that he can do whatever he sets his heart and mind to.  Sky’s the limit, right?  Wrong.  He’ll never win, but I couldn’t muster the courage to tell him the truth about the show’s sick tendencies.   He’ll probably live the rest of his life thinking, “Next year is my year.  Next year they’ll see what Beauty truly has to offer to the world.”

UPDATE:

In a rather unfortunate turn of events, Beauty passed away last night; his dream never realized.  The Doctors couldn’t come up with a cause of death, but I know what did it:

A broken heart.

Outside the Pup: The Growing Discrepancy Between Rich and Poor


We’ve touched on some serious subjects in the past, but we feel that now is the time to really dive into a new, very important segment of our blog.  It’s called Outside the Pup, and  it will tackle some of the most pressing issues facing dogs and pets today.

That’s right.  It’s time to grow up and get serious.  You’ve had enough GBs Fenway.  Time to start caring about the world.

Anyway, the first installment of OTP is about the growing discrepancy between rich and poor dogs throughout American Society.  Discrepancy is a grown up word for gap.  Or large distance.  It means that poor dogs are becoming poorer and rich dogs are becoming richer.  Why does this happen?  There are two reasons:

1. Dog Food

Ever heard of Pupcakes?  If you’re a rich dog you probably have.  They’re basically made out of money.  Its equivalent to eating a twenty dollar bill (aka a waste of money).  And yet they seem to only be growing in popularity.

Rich dogs eat these pupcakes and get fat.  The fatter the dog, the more food he needs to maintain his physique, and the more denial the owner is in about his or her dog being fat.

(“Baxter’s looking kind of big lately, don’t you think? ”

“Oh don’t be silly!  He just has a big old appetite.  Isn’t that right Baxter?  Look at him wag his tail. You’re the cutest Baxter, you really are.”)

Take this dog for example.  He’s rich as hell and loves pupcakes.

2. Dog Houses

There was once a time when dog houses were fairly standard.  But these days dogs appear to be purchasing their very own mansions.  They cost about the same price as a typical human home, and they’re custom fitted for maximum dog comfort.  Our field photographers managed to snap a few pics.  This was the best of the bunch:

Living the life right?  That dog probably hasn’t gotten up in days.  I bet he doesn’t even go inside his mansion.  He’d rather just show it off.

But not all dogs are so lucky.  In other parts of the country, dogs are living in sub-par (below average)  conditions.  The worst of them are essentially living in puppy prisons. If you don’t believe us, take a look at these startling photos:

Looks like maximum security if you ask me.

Hang in there Labrador.

In short, something needs to be done to close the gap.  Or even the playing field.  After all, most of the poor dogs are pitbulls.  And you don’t like pitbulls.

Epic Dog Fight.


So I was thinking about potential dog fights (a sport I’m finally beginning to support.  Yeah I know, what took so long, right?), and decided it would be fairly epic to pin potentially the cutest pup on earth with the most viscous, seemingly angry pit-bull.  But then I got to thinking, “Why do we assume that the pit-bull would win hands down?  Couldn’t the little guy realistically put up a fight? After all, he’s sooooo cute!! And just because a dog looks mean, does that mean he actually is?”

Hah, just joking.  The little guy didn’t stand a chance.  Turns out I own both of these dogs, and the fight actually went down.  The pit-bull absolutely destroyed the cute puppy.  Lasted about 20 seconds. Whoops.

Meet the Team


We think it’s time that our loyal readers met the folks behind What the Pup is Up dot Com.  We’re a close-knit group; very secretive (think Google) yet innovative (think Mazda).  We’re basically a force to be reckoned with.  So in no particular order, we’ll introduce ourselves.

Spot, Company CFO:

“Hey I’m Spot, I’m the Company CFO and I love to work!  Here’s my picture!”

Scout, Company Web Designer:

“Oh hey, I’m Scout!  I love to design the web!  Check out what I’m designing!”

Duke, Company attorney:

“Hi there, I’m Duke, the company attorney!  I love you!”

Ivana, the Company Secretary

“My bite is worse than my bark…but my outfit beats both.”

Rascal, CEO at What the Pup is up dot Com

“I am not a dog.  I am the CEO.  I do love snacks, however.  hahahaha maybe I am a dog!!!”

So there you have it.  The whole team.  If you have any questions to ask, remember to leave a comment.  Best question and/or comment will receive 500 Puppy Dollars!