Snow masters us, dogs master snow. Are dogs OUR masters??


Yeah, there’s a blizzard going on right now.  Yeah, the blistering winds will crack your lips into a million pieces.  Flights have been canceled, highways have been closed.  Nobody wants to go outside, right? Right?? I mean, c’mon unless you’re going to cruise in your 4-wheel drive Range Rover with your seat warmers set on high and coffee in hand, you’re getting nowhere.

But you know what? Drop that “I hate snow” mentality. Put chains on your car’s wheels. Get that shovel out, and start making snow men. Hey, make a snow family. Go sledding. But, don’t, and I mean don’t bring your dog outside unless you want to be embarrassed. Why’s that?

Exhibit A:

Words aren’t even needed to explain why this is embarrassing.  A picture is worth a thousand words, but that snow-dog replica might rake you in a couple hundred thousand on eBay. That is a perfect snow dog.  I mean, if I spin in circles and then look at the photo quickly, I can’t tell which one is real and which one isn’t. Has that ever happened with a snowman? Have you ever stepped outside and greeted your neighbor’s snowman, to only realize later what a fool you were? Or have you ever called the cops because someone was “watching you” from outside, only to be cited for a false report about a snowman? The answer is a straight-up NO. But with this Picasso-esque masterpiece above, I can see myself yelling at that snowdog for hours for not fetching this morning’s paper. I’d probably go insane.

Exhibit B:

That’s right. This isn’t some conspiracy video that’s edited and uses weird camera angles and references graphs that don’t have numbers. No. Those dogs are sledding without sleds. What’s worse? They are dominating those slopes and are having more fun than humanely possible. I may have crossed a line there, saying humanely, but that’s my whole point.

Dogs have mastered snow. Snow has mastered us.

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