Our New Cause: Dog Schizophrenia


The other day, a thoughtful reader of What the Pup is Up sent us this email:
 
“My dog suffers from horrible anxiety and paranoia, but nothing a little human xanax couldn’t fix (easy…it was a low dose probably). So it got me thinking, what other human conditions do dogs suffer from?”
 
Well, Kathy, apparently all of them. And after a few minutes on the Google, we’ve determined that your dog appears to be suffering from  “dog schizophrenia.” At first, I reacted just like you probably are right now (“Hey, that’s hilarious!”)  But then I stumbled upon this video:
 
 
 
You see Kathy, It turns out my dog too suffers from this horrible affliction.  He acts exactly like the dogs from the video.  There is literally not a single difference in demeanor.  I always thought that’s simply how dogs acted.  Little did I know that each and every dog I’ve ever owned was actually schizophrenic.
 
As made evident in the video, the following are some of the most common symptoms of Doggy schizophrenia:
 
1. “Puppy” face
2. Occasional sleepiness
3. Barking
4. Lying on the floor
 
If your dog exzibits ANY of these symptoms, we urge you to immediately ask your veterinarian about “Pet-EZE,” the calming agent advertised at the end of the video.  Please, get your pup medicated (or “fixed”).  Before it’s too late.
 
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2 thoughts on “Our New Cause: Dog Schizophrenia

  1. I have a question specific to my dog that I was hoping you could help me with. See, Rugby is a schizophrenic but also suffers from alcoholism. I gave him the regular dose of Pet-EZE a couple of nights ago, but then, after a couple of drinks, he just went on a tear. The worst part was that he showed absolutely no remorse whatsoever the next morning – almost as if he didn’t remember the havoc he caused. Shameful. My question is, what is the appropriate dose of Pet-EZE for a mid-sized puppy who will also be consuming a fifth of Jameson per evening?

    Thanks so much and God bless.

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