Old “Pups”


You ever visit your friend’s house and he or she says something along the lines of, “Oh my gosh, you gotta see the puppy!”  You become excited.  Puppy?  What a great turn of events!  This night won’t be so shitty after all!  “I didn’t know you got a new puppy!”  Your friend looks at you with the same kind of blank stare your girlfriend makes when you talk to her about the NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement.  A few moments later, Keaton, the 14 year old mutt your friend’s family rescued when you were in middle school, limps into the room.  “Oh.  Hi Keaton.”  You avoid making contact with his matted, stained coat.  “So, uh, where’s the new pup?”  But before your friend can respond, it hits you.  Damnit, tricked again.

This is but one example of an alarming trend among today’s pet owners: referring to old-ass dogs as puppies.  The dictionary refers to a puppy as:

“Es ist ein langer Weg, bis endlich der langersehnte Whippet ins Haus kommt. Viele Whippetinteressenten gehen inzwischen den besten Weg.”

Whats that, you don’t speak German?  Oh well.  I’m going to assume most people already know the definition of “puppy” anyway.

But the next time you witness somebody calling their dog a puppy, do some simple math in your head, and politely tell them that their “puppy” is actually the equivalent of a 105 year- old person.  Or, just to be safe, keep a reference photo in your wallet with you at all times.  If their dog doesn’t look like this…

… then it’s probably not a puppy.

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