A Tragic Tale: The Thanksgiving National Dog Show.

This thursday is Thanksgiving.  And like every other year, all the family bonding, happy faces, and overflowing plates of food will take a backseat to the latest installment of NBC’s National Dog Show.  Dog lovers rejoice?  Not so fast Fenway.

Maybe I should put in “simpler” terms.  Take this picture for example:

What do these Victoria’s Secret models have in common?  Beauty, breasts, and brains?  Maybe. But there’s probably a reason they were chosen.  I mean honestly, why wasn’t this girl chosen?:

Doesn’t she have everything that they have?  Nooooooooo.  Not at all.  She’s missing something that show business and the (liberal, obviously) media loves: She isn’t hot.  She’s completely ordinary, likely buying her groceries at Target, and maybe not having enough money to afford them.  And that’s not fair.  In fact, it’s completely discriminatory. Now you may be wondering where I’m going with this.  After all, models aren’t dogs.  But here’s the catch:  On thanksgiving they are.  Need a closer look?

Who’s pet looks like this?  Not mine and certainly not yours.  You see, only model dogs are selected to be a part of the National Dog Show.  Only model dogs have the chance to be crowned, “Best in Show.”  Others dogs don’t stand a chance.  Here’s another example:

This dog doesn’t even know his name.  He’s half retarded.  And yet look at him walk the runway like he runs shit.  So where does this leave all the other dogs?  Yup, you guessed correctly.  “Worst in Show.”

The other day I ran into this fellow:

His name’s Beauty and he’s trying his hardest to make the cut at the National Dog Show.  He asked me if he stood a chance, and I looked him in the eye and told him that he can do whatever he sets his heart and mind to.  Sky’s the limit, right?  Wrong.  He’ll never win, but I couldn’t muster the courage to tell him the truth about the show’s sick tendencies.   He’ll probably live the rest of his life thinking, “Next year is my year.  Next year they’ll see what Beauty truly has to offer to the world.”


In a rather unfortunate turn of events, Beauty passed away last night; his dream never realized.  The Doctors couldn’t come up with a cause of death, but I know what did it:

A broken heart.